Dear friend,
Welcome, or welcome back! In case you missed it:
I have lived in seven cities across five states in the last decade. Two of those moves were for career promotions, two of those moves were marriage-related. All of those moves required me to meet new people. Make new friends. And y’all – I LOVE humans. I love people. I am an extreme extrovert. And even I, as a people-loving, extremely extroverted, talkative millennial, have struggled to connect at times.
Enter this blog.
I have finally landed on a centering theme for this blog, a focus: how to make, keep, and enrich life-giving friendships that make your life more colorful, bright, and fulfilled. I invite you to come back every Monday and Thursday for friendship tips.
Think of me as your friend in the city. Your sis, encouraging you to make new connections. Today’s friendship tip is below!
Tip #2: B is for Boundaries are your Best Friend
Adult friendships can be really hard for a variety of reasons. For one, you’re likely balancing more than you’ve ever balanced before. Having a full-time job, possibly a partner,, and maybe even kids means your time can feel like a very limited commodity.
Yet still, you probably want friends. How do you balance it all? And what about this buzzword, boundaries?
I heard a great phrase the other day: boundaries are for you. You decide where your line is. What can you do in this season of your life? Let me break it down further:
- Having healthy boundaries means being realistic about the season you’re in: maybe you just had a child or started a new job, and life is hectic. It’s okay if your time boundary (as in, how you protect your time) right now is that you talk on the phone maybe once a month with long-distance friends or host friends less often at your house. Or perhaps you scrap that all together and plan one thoughtful dinner with your gal pals every couple of months because that’s all you can manage. Do what makes sense for your time now, and don’t feel bad about it.
- Having healthy boundaries means it’s about quality vs. quantity of friends: last night, I was visiting the town I grew up in (I’m a flight right now, y’allou , writing this blog because it’s a crazy week, but I still wanted to make a Thursday blog). Anyway, I was visiting my hometown, and two of my best friends from college came to see me in my guest room. And we said weird things, stretched, took down our walls, and shared silly stories, and it felt so wonderful. There are times when new friendships are fun and exciting. And there are times when life is busy and changing, and it may be better to lean into the quality friendships you already have. Permit yourself to lean into relationships that allow you to kick up your feet and relax.
- Having healthy boundaries means sharing what you need…with words!: I struggle with this from time to time. This is not always the “fun” part, but if you need a breather, sometimes you just gotta let a friend know. For example, I have had a lot of life changes recently, and my schedule is hectic and involves a wild amount of travel, speaking prep, and other things. I love it, but I’ve had to be honest with my closest friends. I’m not always able to show up consistently, but I still love them! Sometimes, I haven’t texted in weeks, but I send a quick, “Pray for me, please, I’m about to speak somewhere”,” and my friends (who are amazing) respond with words of encouragement and support.
You don’t always have to be the strong friend. It’s okay to say what you can and can’t do. It’s OK to recognize your human limitations.
Remember, you don’t need a ton of friends. You just need a few good ones.
Your friend in the city,
Vimbo
P.S. ❤️ Subscribe to my weekly Sunshine Emails that go out on Mondays, click HERE 😊
